“I am damaged” she said, her head on his chest. “we all are in our own way” Alex said gently. ” I hope it will not stop you loving me as I love you.” She shook her head and buried her head more into his chest as she drank in his scent of old spice. “Just love me.” she said as she hugged him closer. “I always have” he said as he held her tight “and I know I always will.” As Alex went to say more the door opened and Renfield without realising it interrupted the moment that was beginning between Alex and Jayne. “Sir, you are needed in the basement.” Renfield said with defiance and a hint of hidden meaning for Alex. He looked with the side of his eyes at Alex’s hands, the backs were now burning red from the light. “It is a matter of importance. A ‘burning’ needs attention.” Alex picked up the meaning and gently began to let go of Jayne but she only held him tighter. “Jayne, I have to go, I will just be downstairs but not for too long. You will be all right, I promise. I will be back as soon as I can. Renfield will stay with you.” At those words, Jayne began to shake again as she held Alex. “Shh” he said in a soothing tone as he stroked her back and kissed her head once again. ” Renfield will not hurt you, if you wish I can have the housekeeper stay with you too.” Jayne nodded as she lifted her head and looked into Alex’s eyes. Alex knew it was not Renfield she was really afraid of but the fact he was a man and after her ordeal Alex had become the only man she trusted not to try to rape her once alone with her. As Jayne reluctantly let go of Alex she grabbed her pillow and hugged it as she curled up on the bed.
Jayne heard whispering and then felt someone sit on her bed, put a hand to her shoulder. She flinched and her heart began to beat fast with fear entering it. “It is just me. I sent Renfield to get the housekeeper. I thought you would prefer he did rather than I.” Jayne began to relax and her heartbeat slow to a normal pace. She looked over her shoulder at Alex who looked on her like she was more valuable than gold dust. She began to sit up and Alex quickly hid his burning hands.
“Why… Why do you love me.” she asked in a low, nervous tone, nothing like the old confident, nothing stands in my way Jayne. He put a hand to her cheek and stroked it gently with his thumb. “your eyes.” He smiled and let out a short chuckle. “my eyes?” She said curiously with a curious look of wonder on her face. “Yes your eyes, as they are the window to your soul, the true self inside you. Nothing you feel can be hidden from the eyes. You may have acted all tough, hiding your emotions and being brazen with a hint of forthrightness on the night we meet at my demonstration but from your eyes I could see the real you. The intelligence, the fire, the love you held for someone who could love you for all you are. Your hurt, your pain, but your ability to not let it demise you or hold you back. When your hand first touched mine, I felt as if I was alive again for the first time in years. And when my lips touched your skin my body began to warm and my soul heal. It was as if God himself brought you to me, to let me be lucky enough to love you, care for you, have time with you.”
Tears filled her eyes as she let a small smile creep onto one side of her lips. “But when you found I was used, used and damaged why did you stay?” He chuckled. “How could I not stay? You needed me, you are not damaged or used to me. You were hurt, violated and needing of my love even more. Seeing you open up after it all to me has made me love you more. To me you are not damaged, just a victim of men who tricked you and abused you for their entertainment. If you told me here and now you love me but could never have sex with me I would still stay. After all they did I would not blame you if you never trusted anyone to touch you in that way but you letting me hold you, love you, see you for who you really are is all I need to keep my soul alive and my world a happy one.”
Jayne looked deep into Alex’s eyes. She put a hand to his right cheek ” I… I think I am loving you to” she said nervously, in a low tone as her cheeks began to blush. She moved her head towards his and as she built up even more of her trust in him. It was enough for her to let her lips touch his in a kiss that would be her first kiss with a man of love. But as their lips were about to touch Renfield once again interrupted their moment and Jayne lay on her bed as Alex for a few seconds sat there stunned her words echoing in his mind.”I think I am loving you” she had said and it was all Alex ever wanted, her love for him, a love they now shared between themselves for each other.