As daylight came, Alex was grateful for the curtains in the windows being closed, protecting his body from daylight. As Jayne began to wake she took her arms from around Alex and moved her body silently from his. As she remembered the night before her embarrassment filled her and her steel expression returned to her face masking her emotions within. She put up her walls, hiding once again her fear. She wanted to forget the night before. She felt naked, too vulnerable and exposed before Alex as well as confused by her feelings. She had never had anyone see her from the inside out, so pure, so vulnerable with raw emotions pouring out.
She was hiding again, building barriers afraid to let Alex back in as most of her life she was taught to mask her fear, mask her hurt and wear a smile or hide herself from the world with false expressions on her face. She was taught never let people close as they could use your weaknesses to hurt you. With Alex she felt conflict as she wanted to betray her lessons, run into his arms and let him see all of her but at the same time she feared if he knew all of her inside he might reject her and leave her even more hurt. She was taught love was for the weak and letting someone have your love was setting you up for future hurt and pain so blocking it at first signs was for the best.
As she got up from the couch almost falling Alex held her up by her arm gently. Jayne without even looking took her arm from his light grasp and made her way shakely upstairs. Once alone in her room she sat on her bed crying silently as she looked into the rain from her window. At that moment Alex had feelings, pangs of grief, pangs of heartbreak and fear, his empathy for Jayne shinning through. He was feeling her emotions and in that moment he quickly went upstairs. He burst into Jayne’s room and without a word between them Alex held her in his arms. Without a fight, betraying her instincts Jayne left him do so as she cried, part in grief, part in fear but also in relief that he was with her making her feel like she never had with anyone, protected, loved, wanted for all of her and cared for. These were things she craved but never felt since her mother died at the hands of a violent figure in the dark.
Alex could feel the back of his hands burn as day light hit them hard. A gap in the closed curtains letting small streams of light in. But yet, he did not stop holding Jayne who was like a frightened child in his arm, one that needed him and his love. “I love you Jayne.” He said with a soothing voice as he stroked her back gently up and down. “Never be afraid with me. I am here for you always and as long as you love me, want me I will be yours through good, bad and everything in between. Even if you stop loving me I will never stop making sure I try to protect you, make you safe.”
Jayne closed her eyes, she felt safer some how in his arms, from his words and touch. She knew she was loving him. She must have been since they meet and today for the first time she could not deny she did not want to leave him for the order if it meant having to leave him for good. She put her arms around Alex’s waist and with her touch he knew she wanted him to stay, she wanted to stay with him for now, that she trusted in him, his love and she felt something for him too. He was someone she could break the rules for, relax with, be with without fear, someone she knew she could be her true self around without being punished but loved.