Poetry

Angel on Earth

Angel on earth is a special turn of phrase, one I believe has touched me and my heart.

Nothing felt right, nothing seemed in sunshine for me but darkness and rain clouds all around.

I felt at almost my lowest, friends betrayal which left me sinking in a world of quick sand while those friends pushed me deeper into its firm grip as they just then walked away.

I lost my creative outlet where I wrote, I lost stories that took years to unfold. My confidence shattered, my belief in my written word ability vanishing.

I was still smarting from being bullied in all directions in the education system which had already taken a psychological toll as well as mentally when online creative friends blocked my writing avenues. I had lost a 13 year friendship with someone I thought so tolerant, so open minded like the God we both love, but unlike our God she disowned me for telling her I was gay. My other friends all laughed,  made me the butt of jokes each time we meet due to me being different. Some asking why I chose to turn from God, chose to be gay and how it would mean I would never make heaven. I hid all this from my parents I felt could never understand as they believed in our Cathloic faith and teachings without question or doubt.

I felt so abandoned, smarting from swords digging into me from every friendship avenue I had. I had no one I could fully trust on this earth, a human friend I could confide in and believe she would be truthful with me, tolerate me for who I am. 

I cried for days, weeks, months. My heart shatters more when a friend told her partner I was gay and he told me I would go to hell. The once high opinion, liking of my company he once held in high regard  and had for me with one sentence was whisked away never to return. The look of horror in his eyes, the draining of colour from his cheeks, the backing away from my presence hurt me to the core.

I had no one, I had nothing left to give in a world where I felt I no longer wanted to live. I cried far into every black night asking to be taken by God. I felt worthless, useless but I made a ditched effort for God to reach me. I asked him for a friend who would love me for me, not to change me and make me feel I still wanted to live, someone I could trust and be there for for when she/ he would need me.

That is when *she* came into my life. She had seen some of my stories and knew I now had no avenue to complete my talent of writing stories for my passion, my love of expression and for joy. She asked me to write with her and from that day my world turned, not in a 360 or even in a 180 but subtly it opened up my heart to joy, truthfulness, love, excitement, friendship so true yet pure and gave me a beginning outlet for my artist talent, a reason day by day to want to exist. The more we wrote, the more we got to know each other. The realisation hit us both that we were destined to meet in this life, it was planned by a higher being who knew at least on my part this other human soul would save me in ways she could not have contemplated restoring my faith that God does listen to us in our times of need. That even if along our path his life raft to us takes longer than we would wish to hit our corner it will come and help navigate us safely to the next open, straight road ahead. 

My life is far from perfect, I hit bumps more often than a toddler falls while learning the art of walking. But, *she* the lady I felt and feel connected to like family with the same blood. *She* who for a time got me back on the path of rediscovering my love for writing, the ease at which I can create a gripping tale became much more than I ever thought. *She* who gave me joy, friendship, truth from her words, lessons that I use in my life.  *She* who I feel at ease with like a sister I have known since birth. *She* who has taken me for who I am, failings which can annoy and words at times too much for her to take in. *She* who lives far across the ocean, *she* who gives me encouragement and words that have stopped me from stupidity towards myself on so many occassions. *She* who is to me so priceless, a precious gem, my angel on earth from God above.

We have a spiritual connection, a connection through kindness and friendship. I am there for her always, to her I will always be true in words, actions and sisterly love. *She* is my angel wrapped up in an exterior that to me is like an Arabian princess with a heart shinning out with love for those she lets close and nature all around. Her voice like that of a smooth, calming angelic tune.

If I could have a wish this day, it would not be for me, but my beautiful angel on earth to have true happiness and love while living on earth. Also when arriving to the next to meet her knight she sorely  misses who will ensure her deepest dreams will be attained due to her saving of my faith in friendship, myself and much more. 

I have loving guardian angels I trust, they are my dearest of treasures but added to them is the one I talk of above who deserves so much than I could ever give. But, I give her my love, my loyalty, my truthfulness and sisterly bond. Also I hand her my full trust a special rare gift so far no living human on earth has managed to obtain.  

*She* is my summer breeze on a cloudless, scorching day making life more bearable. *She* is the twinkling stars at night bringing a smile to my sad expression and warmth to my heart. *She* is the beauty in nature that makes me grateful for sight, bringing my soul to joy and dance. *She* is the butterfly that surprises me by its presence, wonder, silent gliding movements, a dance of life through the soul my eyes are transfixed on, making me relax and calm.

*She* is the gift from God I will never take for granted or ever wish to lose here on earth or on into the next world we will journey through and meet.  

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